I'm a real virtual rat, the only famous rat writer on the Internet. As such, I feel I have a mandate to change the bad press us guys got with you human oafs. That press is totally unwarranted. We are, in reality, cute, cuddly, friendly creatures.
Although most of us live far from humans, you base your opinion on the few alcoholics and drug addicted rats that live in your sewers. Those are the dregs of our society and lie alongside your own rejects, often sharing bottles of cheap wine. You never see our modern cities, filled with nice rat families.
Back in long-ago times, the two species were close friends, us helping you guys to adapt after first falling out of trees and landing on your heads. We gave you gifts of fire, the wheel, and pepperoni pizza.
It wasn't until later, when you began making artificial caves, forsaking perfectly good natural ones, that we parted. After you gave my race Bubonic Plague, we decided you were too dirty to live with and went our own way.
Oscar Rat
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